In the Words of my New Friend Alicia...WTFN?

Ok, so I'm going to go ahead and warn you people:  I have been awake since 4 am and am SUPER exhausted but I have to stay up for another 3 hours so I'm blogging...and after some things that I've accidentally said tonight, nothing I can write here can be much worse.
OK so.  This past weekend I got tired of Leicester and ventured out to Paris!  The city of lights...and love...and all things awesome that start with L...like Louvre, and Louboutin, and Louis Vuitton, (not to be confused Debbie!)

The cab came to pick me up at 3:15...or it was supposed to.  It actually arrived at 3:40 and I almost missed the shuttle...but I didn't!  Then the airline couldn't find my reservation, so after a big to do they were able to find it and I was on the plane woo!  Yeah, I pretty much passed the ef out.  So I land in Paris, I'm super proud of myself because I got on the right train and everything.  Enter Claver.  He didn't speak so much English, but he asked me a question in French and I responded.  Apparently, he saw that as his go time card.  He kept kissing my hand and telling me that I could move to Paris and be his wife.  At this point (in French) I told him I was engaged and my fiance wouldn't really like me moving to Paris to be someones wife...at that point he gave me his email address then tried to get my phone number.  After saying no about 20 times he finally gave in and then hugged me on the effing train.  I mean I hate hugs anyway...especially from strange creepers.  After this long embrace, he kissed my hand again and then decided to hold it...well I'll leave that at that.  So we get off the train and he asked me which hotel I was staying and where I was meeting my friends and at this point I pretty much just walked away from him and talked to a Po-lice man...exit Claver and my first encounter with a Frenchman.

I finally found the hostel, got all settled in and met my first roommate, Amy, from Korea.  She was a super sweet girl.  I hung out in the room long enough the charge my phone then decided to go exploring.  I'm pretty sure I got somewhat lost...but I don't think getting lost in Paris is a bad thing...it's more of an adventure.  I found the bridge from the very last episode of Sex and the City where Big tells Carrie she's the one...ahhh the romance.  I had a tender moment reliving that moment on the bridge...well really I was just thinking about her dress, because I do love that dress...but this is getting off topic.  SO.  After that I went to the Louvre...words cannoy describe, it's fantastic.  I got lost...for several hours...in heels...so that kind of sucked.  But whatever, at least I looked fashionable.  After the Louvre I made my way back to the hostel.  On the way there I was using the GPS on my phone to find my way back, and I got lost because I'm me, and ended up on this sketch alley road and my GPS map said "Christian Louboutin" and I thought I misread...but then I started flipping out and looked up and was standing right in front of God's Gift to Footwear.  One of the best surprises of my life.  After that I finally made it to the hostel where I met my Russian roommate.

This girl deserves a paragraph all to herself.  I tried to be friendly, I really did.  But she literally wouldn't talk.  She got there before I left for the Louvre and she went straight to sleep.  I got home and she was still sleeping.  She got up, said a curse word, grabbed her stuff and left, came back 20 minutes later, went in the bathroom, snorted around for a while, then went back to sleep...only to repeat this several hours later...and throughout the night.  I'm convinced she's a crack whore, but that's just me.  Then, at 1 am the 4th girl in our room showed up and couldn't find her key and said Russian ho-bag made a big deal out of  it and pretty much yelled at this girl...then tried to get me in on it, but since she woke me up every time she left for a rendez-vous I told the girl to take her time finding the key and to leave the light on (I was tired and grouchy, sue me).

When I woke up the next morning creepy crack whore had vacated the premises (thank heavens) and I left to enjoy my sunny day of the Champs-Elysees.  More importantly, Chanel.  My day started in the Jardin des Tuileries.  I walked around there for a while, then made my way to the Place de la Concorde.  Where, I might add!  I had my very first crepe, and it was delectable.  After that it was time for the Champs-Elysees...which was everything that I've ever imagined it to be.  I first walked all the way up to the Arc de Triomphe, then climbed the tiny spiral staircase to the top of that and saw Paris, then I made my way back down that sweet, sweet road.  I stopped at Cartier, Swarovski, and Louis Vuitton, which, I might add had a book store inside of it.  Happiest thing in the world.  After Louis, I made my way to the Ave. Montaigne where I was instantly surrounded by Ralph Lauren, Dolce and Gabbana, Jimmy Choo, Dior, Fendi, Valentino, Celine, Harry Winston, and CHANEL! Ok, let me just tell you how effing fantastic this experience was.  There was literally a runway in front of Chanel...a runway.  And!  when you walk up to the door there are sexy Frenchmen in suits to open every single door and greet you...It was literally heaven on earth.  I think I could have died there and would have already thought that I was in heaven.  In fact, thinking back on it I'm still kind of fantasizing about it...Moving on!

After heaven on Ave. Montaigne, I ended up at the Eiffle Tower...which is quite breath taking the first time...well until the gypsies show up and start jingling Eiffle Tower figurines in your face (Priss and Chelsey...you're welcome.  I got some gypsy goods for you haha) I didn't really find out until after the fact that that's illegal...so let's keep that on the DL...thank heavens not many people read my blog.  Anyway!  in addition to being ridiculously annoying...these gypsies also try to rob you.  My friend Alicia got her iPhone4 stolen by a gypsy and here's how it happens.  They come up and shove things in your face, be it babies, or fliers donating money to the deaf/dumb association or something (that's what they tried with me) and then when you are distracted, their henchmen come up and steal your stuff.  Which is how her phone got jacked.  Luckily, All of my valuables were either in my pockets or buried at the bottom of my ridiculously huge handbag. TAKE THAT GYPSIES.  Yes, in a Borat voice I did ask if I could steal their tears (in my head at least).  Once up in the tower, I couldn't go all the way to the top because it was "closed due to congestion"? Granted, if it's congested I REALLY don't want to be up there, someone would push me off, I just know it.

After the Eiffle tower, I got lost...so I went to a random bistro for dinner and ended up talking to a really nice guy who worked there about why Paris was better than England.  He kept me company, it was nice.    After that I got REALLY lost, good thing Kristi taught me how to find the metro in French last semester.  However, on the way I managed to find a random store that had really great christmas decorations...I had to indulge.  Needless to say when I finally made it back to my Hostel I passed out.  Very quickly.

The next day when I woke up Alicia was in my room.  I kind of love her, she's fantastic.  That morning we all went and had brunch...oh PS.  Sunday will from here on out be known as the day of amazing food.  I ate way too much, and then came vintage shopping.  Ok, well she was vintage shopping, I was pastry shopping.  I had the best pastry of my life, and will now describe it.  It had a graham cracker crust, followed by a layer of cheesecake, and then cherries, raspberries, blackberrys blueberries, and just about any other kind of berry you can think of.  I think I literally blacked out while I was eating it.  It was seriously that amazing.  After that she shopped for a while longer, and then decided to get dinner.  WHERE! I am pleased to announce that I ate escargot.  Yes people.  I ate snails.  I have to admit they were actually kind of awesome!  Not at all disgusting like I thought they would be. I am actually kind of craving them right now if we are being honest here.   After that we ate frois gras (which is goose liver) and creme brulee to complete our Parisian experience and I can honestly say that it was one of the best experiences of my life.

All in all it was a great weekend, psycho crack whore roommates and gypsies included, Alicia was telling me how people kept asking her why she came to Paris alone and she would just tell them WTFN, why the fuck not? and that was her motto.  So People who are wondering why I took a vacation alone, I ask, why not?